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'Whaddya mean, 'ewww!'? I thought the practical aspects would appeal to you."
Daniel stared at the object Jack was waving in front of him in bemused fascination. The evidence was indisputably there - when he stretched out an enquiring finger, all too solidly there - he just wasn't sure he believed his eyes.
"Jack . . . it's green."
"Yeah? Your point?"
"It's green. That is my point. Well, greenish. Sort of unhealthy looking. Corpse colored. Looks as if it's rotting."
"The green - okay, greenish - was on special. It glows in the dark." Jack snapped the bedside lamp off for a moment to demonstrate.
Daniel was irresistibly reminded of a used car salesman and his sour mood began to evaporate as he felt the beginnings of a chuckle burgeoning in his midsection.
"See? Practical. Form and function --"
"Maybe, for someone that can't find their ass with both hands and a flashlight. Last time I thought about it, I could manage that one handed just fine, and without artificial aids."
"-- and that makes it a design classic by any definition. I like that - and besides, it was either that or purple. They were all out of flesh tone," Jack continued smoothly, as if Daniel hadn't spoken. "Of the two, I felt this was the more tasteful."
"What, you're telling me they didn't have ecru? Or taupe?" Daniel invested the comment with all the mock outrage at his disposal, finally entering into the spirit of the thing.
There was no way Jack was going to be bested in the mock outrage department - that was so his thing, not Daniel's: his eyebrows shot up. "Ecru? Taupe?" He shook his head sorrowfully. "Daniel, those are so last year. You'll be asking me next if those don't come in plaid, or corduroy. Although corduroy might be good," he added thoughtfully. "Jumbo corduroy. All those wide ribs…"
Daniel manfully tried to suppress the chuckle that was now bubbling into a chortle just underneath his own ribs and failed miserably. He flopped back onto the mattress, laughing gustily. When he caught sight of the rapt expression on Jack's face as he contemplated corduroy, it only made him laugh the harder.
"It's really quite remarkably detailed." Daniel had managed to pull himself together at last and was now giving the artifact his full attention. He stretched out a hand, flapping it in a 'gimme' gesture and when Jack dropped it into his palm, held it close to his face and examined it critically, his eyes flicking between it and the original. "Every last little bump and wrinkle is preserved. It's really lifelike, apart from the color of course." He ran one long forefinger up and around the object in his hand, tracing its contours, tongue peeking out over his lower lip.
"Well, duh," Jack drawled, going for sarcasm even though Daniel in close inspection mode made his dick surge and his balls tighten. And 'duh' again - considering exactly what Daniel was inspecting with such single-minded concentration, that wasn't much of a surprise. "It was modeled from life don't forget."
"Yeah, I can see that," Daniel said thoughtfully. He frowned for a moment in an all too familiar indicator of analysis, then his brow cleared as he reached a conclusion, underlining it with a little huffing sound, and looked at Jack. "This is it, isn't it? This is payback."
Jack assumed a saintly expression, confirming all Daniel's suspicions. "Payback?"
"For the beads. This is the unexpected that I was warned to expect."
"Damn. Busted," Jack admitted cheerfully.
Daniel chuckled softly. "I might start taking this on missions with me. When I'm re-assed to other teams."
"Two minds with but a single thought. In the spirit of democracy, I vote for a reciprocal arrangement."
"Reciprocity is good."
"So, we have a 'go' then?" Jack was quite happy to go for broke here.
"After that sales pitch, how could I resist?"
"Attaboy," said Jack, with smug glee. "Let's head for the bathroom. This is gonna get messy." As Daniel looked enquiringly at him, he amplified, "Archimedes and all that jazz. Displacement. You know."
"There speaks the voice of experience," Daniel said drily.
"Well yeah, obviously, seein' as I did mine first," Jack replied as he rolled off the bed. "And I gotta tell ya," he added complacently over his shoulder, "There was a whole lotta displacement going on."
Jack put the penetrating snort that he heard coming from the bed behind him down to sinus.
"Jack, you're shaving me why?" Daniel looked up from his inspection of the container in his hand. "It says right here in the directions that isn't necessary. This stuff doesn't stick to hair."
"Uh huh? So? You're obviously enjoying it. Hold still now, I don't want to -- "
One last swipe of the razor over deliciously sensitized skin and Jack sat back on his heels to admire his handiwork.
"That's it. We're done." He trailed a finger round Daniel's balls, over and round his newly smooth, silky groin and up the hard length of his cock, making it dance. Daniel's head dropped back, his eyes drooping half shut as he breathed hard through his nose. He nodded his head and grinned faintly.
"Not a serious complaint. Shit yes...that's good...not a complaint at all. Mild enquiry, no more."
"It makes you look real pretty. I like you like that. Makes you look bigger."
"Bigger, huh?" Daniel cocked his head to one side for a moment and squinted at his groin in the mirror as he decided not to call Jack on the 'pretty' thing. His lips twitched: Jack did have a point. "Okay, bigger is good."
"Oh yeah."
Daniel burst out laughing at the devout expression on Jack's face. "Size queen."
Jack nodded vigorously. "Oh, you bet my sweet ass."
"That should be 'your sweet ass', shouldn't it?"
"No argument from me." Jack reached for the container. "Gimme that. Lemme see now, what next? Oh yeah, this is the tricky part. This is where you come in. I won't be able to help out much, I'll be busy, mixing and stuff - this goop starts to go off after about forty-five seconds --"
"'Go off'? You're expecting me to stick my dick into something that's going off?"
Jack gave Daniel a mock-severe look. "Technical term, Daniel. Means it's starting to set - as well you know. Think plaster of Paris. You musta used plenty of plaster of Paris in your time."
Daniel shook his head. "Uh, not, actually. That's paleontology, not archeolinguistics. There's really not much call for plaster of Paris in my field."
"Hair splitting." Jack waved his hand airily. "You know the principles."
"Principles? There are principles involved in this? And there was me thinking this was pure, unbridled idiocy..."
Jack grinned at him. "Yeah, well, that too. C'mon, get with the program here. Work that puppy for me while I get this stuff mixed up. Keep it on the boil. I don't want to do you less than justice."
"I can do that."
"Don't I just know it."
Daniel cast an admiring and judicious eye over the two pale greenish, luminous dicks, complete with pale greenish, luminous scrota that now sat glowing gently, side by side on the nightstand.
"Well, that's an old argument settled at long last. Mine is bigger. And the evidence is preserved for posterity."
"Hey!" Jack was mildly defensive as he snapped the lamp back on. "That wasn't the point of this exercise, y'know. This isn't meant to be a pissing contest."
"There speaks a man who's been soundly beaten into second place," Daniel smirked.
"Only girth-wise, Daniel, only girth-wise. I still got a quarter inch over you in the other direction."
"Hah! That still makes you the bigger asshole, wouldn't you say?"
"Nope, it just levels the playing field. Consider the volume angle. It makes us equal opportunity assholes at the very least - if we're talking capacity. And speaking of capacity, wanna try these babies out? I'm thinkin' you fucking me with my dick up your ass might be fun."
"Or vice versa," Daniel said quickly as his dick started to rise. "After all, it was your idea."
Jack cocked an eyebrow at Daniel's groin and grinned. "Or as you say, vice versa. I'm easy, and that's an impressive show of hands in favor of your position, I have to say."
"Yeah?" Daniel grinned back.
"Oh yeah."
"I was hoping you'd see it like that."
Daniel leaned in and kissed Jack deeply, pulling lazily on his dick a couple of times, relishing the warmth and solidity as Jack swelled in his hand and the answering tingling in his own balls at the feeling. Jack moaned happily into his mouth, pulling Daniel closer to him with one large, warm hand at the nape of his neck, other hand finding a nipple to twist and pull, surprising Daniel into a startled grunt of pleasure even though he knew what was coming.
They traded kisses and caresses for a while, neither inclined to rush, before Daniel said, "Hands and knees, Jack." He stretched over as Jack complied and snagged the dick of choice from the nightstand, slicking it up as Jack spread his knees wide and dropped his forearms to the mattress.
Daniel paused for a moment to admire the view: Jack's asshole was twitching with anticipation, his heavy, full balls swinging gently from side to side as he wriggled his hips impatiently. He could never resist Jack's ass - and he wasn't about to start now. He dipped his head and started to lick and suck, humming his appreciation, making Jack writhe and squirm and growl low in his throat as he gradually opened up under the onslaught.
As his thighs started to tremble, and with one last lingering swipe of his tongue, Daniel backed off and grabbed the dildo. He watched, fascinated, as he pressed it up against Jack's ass, swallowed hard as Jack dilated easily to accommodate it and grabbed his cock and squeezed roughly as his thoughts fast-forwarded to Jack's dick sliding as inexorably inside him.
"Onto your back, O'Neill." Daniel's voice was deep and husky, an audible indicator of his arousal. Jack eased round on to his back and Daniel watched his face as the dildo shifted inside him as he moved, watched every little shock of pleasure as the base of the toy dragged against Jack's thighs, the sheets, his thighs again.
He quickly slicked up Jack's cock and his own ass, shivering as his fingers pushed the lube deep inside, warm, red desire licking through his belly at the sight beneath him. Jack lay flushed, slack-jawed, eyes slitted half-closed, a film of sweat beading his brow and his top lip, breathing like a distance runner in sight of the finish line as he reached down to maneuver the dildo inside him. His cock jutted, long and flushed, shiny purple at the head, straining to be engulfed. Beautiful, and his. All his, and he wanted it inside him already.
His own cock twitched and jumped in his hand as he moved to straddle Jack's groin, supporting himself with one arm locked at the elbow. He lined himself up with the dick Jack was now holding straight out and ready for his descent, the pleasure radiating through him as he lowered himself slowly to feel the pressure against his ass and the moment when the muscles gave and he could start the long, slow glide down Jack's shaft.
Daniel paused for a moment when Jack was almost fully inside, his habitual response to the overwhelming pleasure of connection that penetration brought. Then he reached back behind himself and drummed a swift tattoo with his fingers against the end of the dildo, gave it an experimental twist and thrust, his cock pulsing a beat behind the jerking of Jack's hips.
"How does that feel?"
"Good. It's good. Feels... different," Jack grunted, his eyes fluttering shut as Daniel eased down over the last quarter inch of his cock.
Daniel allowed the smug grin to show in his voice as he screwed his hips around and made Jack hiss. "It should. That's your dick buried in your ass, not mine."
"Jesus H.!" Jack's eyes flew open and his fingers clamped round Daniel's hips as the words sank in. He bucked and twisted, nailing Daniel's gland at the same time as the dildo nailed his, making them both moan. "You're a kinky s.o.b., Jackson." A huge grin split his face as he added, "Don't ever change."
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