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Yadda, yadda, yadda. Daniel wasn't really listening to the breakfast conversation as it ebbed and flowed around him: he was sitting tapping his pen against his teeth, brow furrowed in concentration, newspaper folded into a neat rectangle on the table in front of him.
"... stuck on? Daniel? Hey! Daniel!"
A hand waved between his eyes and the newspaper and he drifted back to the here and now, momentarily disorientated.
"What?"
Sam said, with heavy emphasis lightened by a grin, "I said - what are you stuck on? With the crossword? You've been sitting there frowning over it for ages."
"Hmmm? Oh, 'foreign entanglement'. Nine letters."
"What does it start with?" Sam asked.
"Dunno. I thought it was 'imbroglio' but it's got an 'e' for its sixth letter."
"Are you sure the 'e' is right? Where does that come from?"
"Yep, pretty sure." Daniel consulted the clues. "Two down. Uh... 'HIJKLMNO'. Answer: 'water'."
Sam's brow wrinkled. "How on earth d'you get that?"
"H to O," Daniel replied, gesticulating in an exaggerated curve with his ballpoint. When he saw no sign of comprehension dawning, he added, "H2O, water, get it?"
Sam pulled a face. "How dumb is that?"
"Spaghetti."
"Gezundheit," Daniel answered absently, prompting a snort of laughter from the source of the comment, across the table from him.
Jack swallowed and waved his fork at Daniel. "Foreign entanglement, nine letters. Spaghetti."
Daniel looked dubiously at him. "Yeah? You sure?"
Jack shrugged. "Oh, c'mon -- it's pretty obvious."
"It isn't that obvious to me," Daniel said, a little nettled.
Jack shrugged again, and smirked annoyingly. "It is to me. Just work with me here for a moment. Think what happens to spaghetti the minute it hits the plate. Obvious."
Daniel thought, and was forced to concede. "I guess it could be right." He looked at Sam, who was busy wrapping herself around her last forkful of breakfast. She shrugged in response and said, "Don't look at me, Daniel. I hate cryptic clues. What crossword is that anyway?"
"The London Times. And it's tough today."
Sam pulled a face. "That explains it. It never has any straightforward clues. Even the ones I get, I don't really get." Her eyes flicked over to Jack. "I'm kinda surprised that you..." Her voice trailed off as she registered the expression on his face. Taking a deep breath and giving a bright, tight-lipped smile, she pushed back her chair. "Okay, gotta go."
"Big day lined up, Carter?"
She grinned enthusiastically. "Yes, Sir. Trying to figure out the properties of a new ore SG-11 brought back last week. Preparatory analysis has thrown up some extraordinary results--"
Jack held up his hand. "Tell ya what, Carter - I'll just read the report. Try not to wreck anything today, the paperwork's a bitch."
"Yes, Sir, I'll try. See you later, guys."
Jack looked around the table with a confident expression on his face as she walked away. "I've got twenty says there'll be a major power outage before lunch."
Teal'c, apparently engrossed in demolishing an enormous plateful of food while reading a paperback book, didn't look up. "Lightning does not strike twice in the same place, O'Neill. I envisage at least one moderate explosion during the course of the day."
Daniel glanced up from his crossword and shook his head. "Nah. Time for her luck to change. I'll go for nothing happening this time. It's about time I got some of my money back. Now, where was I? Okay, say 'spaghetti' is right... let's see now... how about one down... 'G-E-G-S'. Nine, four. Ends in 's'. And if 'spaghetti' is right, fourth letter, 'a'."
Jack rolled his eyes. "Oh ye of little faith. Trust me, 'spaghetti' is right." His forehead creased in a momentary frown before it smoothed out again and he grinned, cocking his head.
"Very clever. That's a classic."
"Don't tell me you got that one right away." Daniel was perplexed.
"Yep. Definitely a classic. 'S easy when ya think about it." Jack reloaded his fork and paused with it halfway to his mouth, grinning once more. "C'mon, Daniel, it's staring you right in the face."
Daniel scowled down at the offending newspaper. Nothing particularly presented itself to him and he looked over at Jack, who was again waving his fork in the air between them. This time though, it carried a payload.
"Eggs! It's eggs of some kind, isn't it?"
"Eggsactly."
Teal'c raised his head and rumbled authoritatively, "O'Neill." When Jack looked at him enquiringly, he waited a beat before adding, deadpan, "That was foul."
Once Jack could again draw breath after partially inhaling some of his breakfast, he said, "T? You've blown your cover. I'll never believe you again when you play dumb with the English language."
"We shall see." Teal'c indicated his choice of reading material with an inclination of his head. "I have recently been experimenting with Tau'ri humour. The experiment seems to be successful, if your reactions are a reliable guide."
Jack craned his neck to see the title as Teal'c returned to his reading - "500 Hilarious Jokes for Kids". The 'chicken joke' section. Which explained much.
Excitement over, Daniel was back to tussling once more with 'nine letters, fourth letter 'a'', and Jack sighed as he turned his attention back to his breakfast. "C'mon, Daniel, time to think outside the box. What kind of eggs, eh?"
"G-E-G-S is an anagram of eggs. " Daniel tapped his ballpoint against his lower lip, thinking out loud. "Eggs mixed up. Assorted? No, not enough letters. Muddled. Jumbled. Scrambled! Scrambled eggs."
"He shoots, he scores!"
Daniel was chuckling. "That's really quite clever. I like that one. Next up, 'senator involved in treachery', seven letters. And before either of you say 'Kinsey', that only has six."
"Anagram," Jack said without hesitation.
"So it is," Daniel replied, jotting down 'treason'. "Which makes 'gangster loves to bring bad luck', six letters, end in 'o'." He looked up at Jack, eyebrows raised expectantly.
"Hoodoo. 'Gangster is 'hood', 'loves', plural, gives you two 'o's at the end," came the prompt reply. "You should have gotten that one."
"Probably would have, but I've got work to do and I hate leaving these unfinished." Daniel glanced at his watch. "Two left, and one of them has to be 'senselessness' - 'wisdom without point is foolishness'. What do you think?"
"Yep, that works. Wisdom, sense, without, less, point, ness, foolishness, senselessness. Good one."
Daniel was looking increasingly bewildered throughout Jack's exposition of his reasoning.
"Wait a minute. How come, if you can do these so easily, you're the guy who writes down 'Uma Thurman' when the clue is 'heavenly body'?"
"I got hooked on cryptics when I was at Mildenhall on cooperative assignment. Quiz-type crosswords are boring. They're too easy. I start out doing them for real but it's more fun trying to make up answers that still fit the grid but make the clues cryptic." Jack pulled a face. "'Uma Thurman' wasn't one of my better efforts. But please don't tell Carter. I'm waiting for her to up the stakes on our little crossword competitions to the point where I can really clean up."
"But she heard you get 'spaghetti'."
Jack waved a hand airily. "I can pass that off as a fluke."
"So, what's it worth to me not to spill the beans?"
There was a gleam in Jack's eye when he replied, "Oh, I'm sure I'll find some way to make it worth your while." He studied the upside down grid for a moment or two then plunked a finger down, raising his brows. "Let me give you a clue."
Daniel looked where he was pointing: seventeen across, 'standing upright before the court: charges follow'. Answer, 'erections'.
"Point taken." Grinning broadly, Daniel turned his attention to the remaining clue. "One to go." His face fell. "Oh hell, it's a misprint. It just gives the letter count: two, four."
"Lemme see."
Daniel shoved the newspaper across the table to him. Jack swivelled it around, stared at it for a moment or two then slid it back.
"No clue."
"Huh." Daniel's lips tightened in annoyance. "I hate getting stuck on the last one."
"No, that's the answer."
"So it is." Daniel brightened with satisfaction and scribbled the answer down with a flourish just as a muffled thump rattled the assorted crockery on the table, and the cafeteria was plunged into Stygian darkness.
"Damn it!" Daniel said ruefully into the murk. "I thought she'd be more careful after the last time."
Teal'c's voice came out of the inky blackness to his left. "I believe we are even on this occasion, O'Neill."
"Yep, I guess," Jack replied from the pitch darkness in front of him. "That's a ten spot you owe each of us, Daniel. Better luck next time."